I'm really sad so im trying to pass it as anger.. It's working but im one annoying little shit =/ Plus pms is around the corner, 4 exams in a week, next week... and i havent talked to A for four days now. That last thing wouldnt bother me as much had i known he was going to be mia for a few days.

I miss chatting with him and it does bring back a few memories that i wish could just stay away from my brain. What kind of memories? Abandonment.. ok maybe thats too harsh of a word but im serious though. I seem to scare away every single person i care about. Or maybe he wasnt who he claimed to be, his wife found out. Story of my life.

He doesnt seem the kind to do that kind of thing yet none of them seemed the kind.. The end result is always the same.

Me.. alone.. wondering.. fighting those sad feelings who seem to feast every single time this happens. They feed off insecurity. I cant let that happen.

I miss him though. We connect.... in a very bizarre way. I hope hes ok, i hope the rest of his family is ok... Ive no right to be upset over it so i cant say shit..

Maybe he got tired of me, maybe his wife found out, maybe it got too intense OR maybe the kid had an event, maybe he had an event.. maybe he went sailing.

Or maybe.... he's just one more piece of shit liar who got in my way.

Im hurt.