I met this guy
A photographer (MSanville), he wouldnt tell me his name or link his site... Of course he had his name as his nick so.. yea. He's pretty good.. Either way, he seemed like a nice guy and he might be for all I know. Reading his journal on CM was like reading mine, minus the girly stuff.
It's not often that I find someone who sees the world as I do. I tried to get in touch with him since I figured wed click.. Im sure we could get along and even try something should we live closer, which we dont.
It all brought me back to the mindset of.. Ive nothing to offer to anyone living in the US... Most (sane) people wouldnt ever pursue a relationship with someone with the "potential of moving closer" and I cant really blame them. The bad news? We might be compatible and the internet would just be providing the means to make us "connect".. whereas in the past, that same person might not ever come across his match, now, its easier.
At the same time, I realize its crazy. And.. I miss Alan, still do. I dont think hes as busy as he claims to be. I think hes pulling away, he did it in the past. I remember, then blamed me for God knows what. Then disappeared. I went away after that, he wasnt the cause per se but it was part of what bothered me about this online stuff.
Im not sure whether he got scared of our connection, whether hes married and hiding it all from the spouse who found out... whether hes actually busy and not full of shit (this is probably the least likely option, sad) or wtf happened... Even when he was super busy and organizing an event, he stayed in touch.. Now, hes gone. Super brief chats, once a week, five minutes. Id like to say its better than nothing but its not.
And then theres Nick... this super nice guy I met on wow months ago. This super antisocial guy who turned out to be the sweetest thing and told me yesterday how I make him smile a lot more than he used to. He made my day without even realizing so. Why cant I be normal and like normal people? Id have a partner by now but no, i like freaks.. I used to like mean freaks which was even worse.
This is why I got away from bdsm in the first place...
I miss Alan, he gives me peace of mind. I wonder if that can be achieved from being alone... I wonder how that is achieved.
It's not often that I find someone who sees the world as I do. I tried to get in touch with him since I figured wed click.. Im sure we could get along and even try something should we live closer, which we dont.
It all brought me back to the mindset of.. Ive nothing to offer to anyone living in the US... Most (sane) people wouldnt ever pursue a relationship with someone with the "potential of moving closer" and I cant really blame them. The bad news? We might be compatible and the internet would just be providing the means to make us "connect".. whereas in the past, that same person might not ever come across his match, now, its easier.
At the same time, I realize its crazy. And.. I miss Alan, still do. I dont think hes as busy as he claims to be. I think hes pulling away, he did it in the past. I remember, then blamed me for God knows what. Then disappeared. I went away after that, he wasnt the cause per se but it was part of what bothered me about this online stuff.
Im not sure whether he got scared of our connection, whether hes married and hiding it all from the spouse who found out... whether hes actually busy and not full of shit (this is probably the least likely option, sad) or wtf happened... Even when he was super busy and organizing an event, he stayed in touch.. Now, hes gone. Super brief chats, once a week, five minutes. Id like to say its better than nothing but its not.
And then theres Nick... this super nice guy I met on wow months ago. This super antisocial guy who turned out to be the sweetest thing and told me yesterday how I make him smile a lot more than he used to. He made my day without even realizing so. Why cant I be normal and like normal people? Id have a partner by now but no, i like freaks.. I used to like mean freaks which was even worse.
This is why I got away from bdsm in the first place...
I miss Alan, he gives me peace of mind. I wonder if that can be achieved from being alone... I wonder how that is achieved.
posted by ~*~angelfire~*~ at 5:24 PM
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