And you think your life sucks
Im just writing this because i need to cry and i cant.. I think ive run out of ways to make that happen. You know the worst part about being with someone married? No matter how the relationship is, if the wife finds out, its always the third person that ends up alone.It happened with henry and if m's wife should find out (God forbids) it'll happen again.
I dont wanna come home anymore and when im home all i wanna do is sleep, undisturbed.. I dont wanna come home because its crowded here and theres always someone on my back.. I dont wanna come home because its lonely here and i cant function. Each day is worse and worse and its gotten to the point where i dont function. I feel like a moron, i feel like im just a plaything and a gullible one at that. I feel used but above all, im lonely. I miss having someone control me, i miss having someone know what to do and i hate, i truly hate all this.
The other day M called me (as he always does) and he took that uhmm 'controlling' position.. It was probably an attempt to wake me up and god i loved it. Its so nice when you know what someone cares about you and you can actually see it. Of course i could say that he does it to just get in my pants but hes been doing it for quite a while.
I read all about these couples, M/s couples that are so happy and i wonder if ill ever be able to have that or if im gonna destroy myself sooner.
I dont understand the need to lie to me.. Whats the point? If you're not interested or if its too much work or if youd rather i hadnt ever found you then, id rather know that. I know it was a mistake, I know that some things are meant to happen just once. Maybe thats our case, maybe we or I was supposed to remember everything being perfect so that id keep trying to find that again instead of giving up completely thinking that even if that perfect thing can be had, im certainly never gonna get it.
It hurts so much to love and not be loved or considered just as much in return. It only teaches you to restrain your love and emotion so that you cant be hurt again. Its sad really.
--
This isnt working so im gonna go see some greys anatomys eps to see if they make me cry
goddamnit i need to cry!
I dont wanna come home anymore and when im home all i wanna do is sleep, undisturbed.. I dont wanna come home because its crowded here and theres always someone on my back.. I dont wanna come home because its lonely here and i cant function. Each day is worse and worse and its gotten to the point where i dont function. I feel like a moron, i feel like im just a plaything and a gullible one at that. I feel used but above all, im lonely. I miss having someone control me, i miss having someone know what to do and i hate, i truly hate all this.
The other day M called me (as he always does) and he took that uhmm 'controlling' position.. It was probably an attempt to wake me up and god i loved it. Its so nice when you know what someone cares about you and you can actually see it. Of course i could say that he does it to just get in my pants but hes been doing it for quite a while.
I read all about these couples, M/s couples that are so happy and i wonder if ill ever be able to have that or if im gonna destroy myself sooner.
I dont understand the need to lie to me.. Whats the point? If you're not interested or if its too much work or if youd rather i hadnt ever found you then, id rather know that. I know it was a mistake, I know that some things are meant to happen just once. Maybe thats our case, maybe we or I was supposed to remember everything being perfect so that id keep trying to find that again instead of giving up completely thinking that even if that perfect thing can be had, im certainly never gonna get it.
It hurts so much to love and not be loved or considered just as much in return. It only teaches you to restrain your love and emotion so that you cant be hurt again. Its sad really.
--
This isnt working so im gonna go see some greys anatomys eps to see if they make me cry
goddamnit i need to cry!
posted by ~*~angelfire~*~ at 12:43 PM
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