ok now its 6.06 here and i'm trying to figure out what is it that im feeling, again feelings i don't know so again feelings i don't know how to handle.. Well as i've said million times i really really didn't understand maybe came out wrongly and You understood i didn't wanna understand and was just being stubborn or that didn't care cause i first told You i did understand and then didn't... Well let me make this clear Sir, i didn't understand what You meant (after getting some advice think i do now but that didn't happen at the moment...) only reason i told You, well 2 reasons actually, i did understand was that You were already late and didn't want You worrying for me while at work.. You couldn't spend more time on so that was my way to let You go so wouldn't be THAT late, wrong way maybe but i only see it now, but wait with this im not saying at all and notice NOT AT ALL that is Your fault, now the other reason is that i didn't want You thinking i couldn't understand what You said.. Someone once told me that a good sub was supposed to understand her Master 1st time He said sth and even if always ask if i have doubts this time just said ok i understand mostly cuz of 1st reason...

Now back to what im feeling or think am feeling i wont say im mad cuz im not, im somehow hurt, while getting those offlines messages tears formed in my eyes then tried to sleep again and well im here now so guess that answers Yr question about if i managed to sleep or not... im bit hurt maybe cause You saying maybe i don't know my place in Our relationship really got to me.. i think i do know it think maybe i could have used a 2nd explanation but You had to go and i when wanted to ask for one was too late.. You weren't there already even if You were still on... everytime You say "nm" just those 2 letters make my heart shrink and know my feelings are mixed up, know some things but will have to wait for You to be on again to ask the rest, im sorry i couldn't understand You the first time, sorry i handled it that way, we now see im not that perfect, i was right im not that perfect but im still Your sub, not aperfect one but still Yours... There's the tears again so ill stop now 6.19 too early here and maybe this seemed like blubbering but seems clear at this moment of the day.. i really love You and im Yours til You wish otherwise Sir