Today

Wasn't such a bad idea day (talk about a Freudian slip). I didnt keep any of my set goals for the day but i mostly stayed in a neutral state of mind. It's the evenings that are killing me. Loneliness sets in.

I wish I could talk to Alan one last time.. say goodbye or something, for closure.

I miss having someone making me accountable for what i do/dont do.. I wish I could have someone help me set up a schedule that I had to follow. Micromanagement? Maybe.. I could really use it at the moment. Structure.

Im looking into buddhism, trying to find the right state of mind.

I wanna get back in shape, Ive no idea where to start.

M asked me today what was going on with me... Every time someone asks me that I say Im fine cause really I am... but at the same time, I always get this weird feeling, like im gonna burst into tears.

Why cant i have someone love me as I am and can make his damn way here til i graduate? At least for a week or two, twice a year? thrice?