11.19 im currently on the phone with one of my best friends and paying attention to her but thinking about You. First thing on my mind besides that i miss You and love You bunches, is that shocked me bit that You thought that i'd ask You to go Gor , i was talking with spring about same thing. We were talking about You mostly and meetings and stuff like that (btw for some reason she talks a lot of me which is cool actually cuz keep me company when You're not on and she's really funny and pretty good even if You think we're both brats lol) and i told her how i think You've been.. and mentioned same thing that i told You today that only reason i'd go Gor is if You want to go back ans yes i know i'm not slave and would probably have a lot of issues if were slave lol but if that would be Your wish i'd do it cause nothing is impossible and i just wouldn't hesitate to do it for You but i know You don't want that and i'm somehow better with that decission. I know i might have given You the impression that i wanted You to train me as slave but it's not like that, i just find some things interesting that's all, that's why i read about it in couple groups i belong to, i'm curious but i wasn't asking You to change to Gor Sir adn really would have liked You asking me before if had any doubts instead of worrying about it You know..
It crossed my mind that You wanted to go back but that lasted 10 seconds and not more just cause i know or think i know how You are and what You want, don't want, need and don't need.. I will continue checking kajirae groups not because i have desire to become one but because i agree with some of their views more than i agree with other groups i belong to and also because they offer deeper insights than other groups, it happened that a slave just wrote in simple words what took me maybe days to figure out or express and it's nice seeing i'm not only one who's going through some stuff...
Above everything i want You happy and for that i need to know how You feel, when, why cause it's only way for me to be able to be better for You, i can try and guess or try to read through lines or sometimes i just know how are You feeling for the way You write but it'd be nice and it's not a demanding but more like a request that You tell me what You are feeling, i've opened my heart, my soul and everything to You just cause i wanted to and cause You deserved it and earnt it and think i deserve same... i'm not recriminating anything here, really i'm not even if looks like it.. but deep inside We're really similar, temper and way we handle things so i know how it is, how it works.. but just try bit harder to talk to me so i know what to do.. there are couple things You dont know about me but thats only because i didnt have chance or saw the appropiate time to tell You those are my deepest fears and i think only one person knows about them but he's not in my life anymore and took me a lot to tell him about it and somehow that eats me inside cause is a doubt i have about me and my origin but i don't have the guts to go ask if what i think is true or not just cause it would change everything and believe it or not i rather stay how i am. Well my point is talk to me, every time You have a doubt tell me about it, if You have a question ask a comment about me even if a bad one tell me about it cause it's only way i can improve, only way i can be better for You Sir, i'm not empath, although some ppl think i am lol, and i try to but U know i'm not Lorne, don't have the power all day long and sometimes just need Your help to get through that shield You build around You, i'm glad that is not as thick as it was once though but it's still there...
Another thing that happened today, and read this carefully, i'm not scared of You, not Yr present nor Yr past, it's all part of You and without it You'd be different, maybe someone i wouldnt be so interested in or love as badly as i love You. Only reason i didnt want You telling me about contest for spring was cause didnt wanna remind You of that if You weren't ready to tell me and wanted to let You know that You didn't have to explain anything just cause i hadn't taken it wrongly. I might go all silly and bratty and a baby at times but i'm more mature than most people think even if i dont show it that often, what i'm trying to say is that it's not taht today i didnt want to hear You it's just that it was not necessary, that what happened happened long time ago, as You said a different life but not a life i don't accept even if was bit weird in beginning cause i didnt even know existance of Gor but i've come to accept it all adn after all is part of who You are adn even if You had some up and downs that doesnt mean You have to hide that life cause You have nothing to be ashamed, in fact, i think people respect you a lot which is supposed to give YOu a hint about how good You are and how good You once were in taht other life as You say...
They say You've gone soft.. well from what i heard it's true but really i haven't shown a bad training to Council have i Sir? How can they judge You when They don't know me, ok i made some boo boos couple big ones too but They never saw that and They will never ever see me misbehave or be disrespectful on purpose, i might slip only cause lack of experience but not cause You've gone soft and i'm subbie brat. There are diffrent point of view in regards to that, but You know what? they all get same thing.. I try to be best for You but not cause i will get punished if i dont do as told, even if that helps ;) but i behave only cause i dont wnna disappoint You, i behave cause i know it hurts You to punish me, i behave cause i respect You and not cuz i fear You. You neednt be mean to me to make me understand how i am supposed to be / behave but You got all taht stuff by caring about me, showing me in a loving way how to do things, guiding me through it, softy? maybe somoe ppl would call You that, for me? best Master i had and only one im interested in being with, only one im interested in pleasing and loving. This doesnt mean i wont take Your punishments if i deserve them, You care about me enough to correct me, to make me see where i fail, where i can improve, You don't scare me but have all my respect, You're not mean to me but You're strict when need to be and i havent turned out that bad so far have i Sir? Council not complained lots about me so far, not that i know @ least.
So let's sum up a bit, YOu gone soft, maybe, yes so what? i'm not that bad subbie, not best not worst either adn They don't know Us together so dont let that affect You, i know it prob doesnt but need to tell You. 2nd talk to me, about anythign taht crosses Yr mind, from tiny things bout Us to big things that worry You, again not demanding just requesting, sometimes all You need to get better is get it out of Yrself, do some venting and i can do taht, can listen to You, i ahve troubles @ home, yeaah i wont deny that but im trying to give em less importance than i used ot give them, im focusing both in You and school so You ahve trouble? feel down? talk to me, i can handle it, i f i feel i can't i will let You know but talk to me plz and 3rd and last thing, i love You, more than anything and in a way i never loved anyone before, maybe im going too fast as i said before, maybe You dont feel same or as strongly as i do well tuff cuz i cant take it back cuz i alerady feel that way so never doubt my love towards You and never ever doubt my respect towards You, im not scared of You i respect You which is a big difference and luv You with Yr past and all about You Sir. I know taht if You need to correct me You will but i also know that You still love me even when punish me, even whem mad at me even when im not as good as You deserve..
1.31 now was long post but has some deep insight quite mixed i must say but if have questions about it just ask me, im here for You always Master
Only Yours for eternity, angelfire
It crossed my mind that You wanted to go back but that lasted 10 seconds and not more just cause i know or think i know how You are and what You want, don't want, need and don't need.. I will continue checking kajirae groups not because i have desire to become one but because i agree with some of their views more than i agree with other groups i belong to and also because they offer deeper insights than other groups, it happened that a slave just wrote in simple words what took me maybe days to figure out or express and it's nice seeing i'm not only one who's going through some stuff...
Above everything i want You happy and for that i need to know how You feel, when, why cause it's only way for me to be able to be better for You, i can try and guess or try to read through lines or sometimes i just know how are You feeling for the way You write but it'd be nice and it's not a demanding but more like a request that You tell me what You are feeling, i've opened my heart, my soul and everything to You just cause i wanted to and cause You deserved it and earnt it and think i deserve same... i'm not recriminating anything here, really i'm not even if looks like it.. but deep inside We're really similar, temper and way we handle things so i know how it is, how it works.. but just try bit harder to talk to me so i know what to do.. there are couple things You dont know about me but thats only because i didnt have chance or saw the appropiate time to tell You those are my deepest fears and i think only one person knows about them but he's not in my life anymore and took me a lot to tell him about it and somehow that eats me inside cause is a doubt i have about me and my origin but i don't have the guts to go ask if what i think is true or not just cause it would change everything and believe it or not i rather stay how i am. Well my point is talk to me, every time You have a doubt tell me about it, if You have a question ask a comment about me even if a bad one tell me about it cause it's only way i can improve, only way i can be better for You Sir, i'm not empath, although some ppl think i am lol, and i try to but U know i'm not Lorne, don't have the power all day long and sometimes just need Your help to get through that shield You build around You, i'm glad that is not as thick as it was once though but it's still there...
Another thing that happened today, and read this carefully, i'm not scared of You, not Yr present nor Yr past, it's all part of You and without it You'd be different, maybe someone i wouldnt be so interested in or love as badly as i love You. Only reason i didnt want You telling me about contest for spring was cause didnt wanna remind You of that if You weren't ready to tell me and wanted to let You know that You didn't have to explain anything just cause i hadn't taken it wrongly. I might go all silly and bratty and a baby at times but i'm more mature than most people think even if i dont show it that often, what i'm trying to say is that it's not taht today i didnt want to hear You it's just that it was not necessary, that what happened happened long time ago, as You said a different life but not a life i don't accept even if was bit weird in beginning cause i didnt even know existance of Gor but i've come to accept it all adn after all is part of who You are adn even if You had some up and downs that doesnt mean You have to hide that life cause You have nothing to be ashamed, in fact, i think people respect you a lot which is supposed to give YOu a hint about how good You are and how good You once were in taht other life as You say...
They say You've gone soft.. well from what i heard it's true but really i haven't shown a bad training to Council have i Sir? How can they judge You when They don't know me, ok i made some boo boos couple big ones too but They never saw that and They will never ever see me misbehave or be disrespectful on purpose, i might slip only cause lack of experience but not cause You've gone soft and i'm subbie brat. There are diffrent point of view in regards to that, but You know what? they all get same thing.. I try to be best for You but not cause i will get punished if i dont do as told, even if that helps ;) but i behave only cause i dont wnna disappoint You, i behave cause i know it hurts You to punish me, i behave cause i respect You and not cuz i fear You. You neednt be mean to me to make me understand how i am supposed to be / behave but You got all taht stuff by caring about me, showing me in a loving way how to do things, guiding me through it, softy? maybe somoe ppl would call You that, for me? best Master i had and only one im interested in being with, only one im interested in pleasing and loving. This doesnt mean i wont take Your punishments if i deserve them, You care about me enough to correct me, to make me see where i fail, where i can improve, You don't scare me but have all my respect, You're not mean to me but You're strict when need to be and i havent turned out that bad so far have i Sir? Council not complained lots about me so far, not that i know @ least.
So let's sum up a bit, YOu gone soft, maybe, yes so what? i'm not that bad subbie, not best not worst either adn They don't know Us together so dont let that affect You, i know it prob doesnt but need to tell You. 2nd talk to me, about anythign taht crosses Yr mind, from tiny things bout Us to big things that worry You, again not demanding just requesting, sometimes all You need to get better is get it out of Yrself, do some venting and i can do taht, can listen to You, i ahve troubles @ home, yeaah i wont deny that but im trying to give em less importance than i used ot give them, im focusing both in You and school so You ahve trouble? feel down? talk to me, i can handle it, i f i feel i can't i will let You know but talk to me plz and 3rd and last thing, i love You, more than anything and in a way i never loved anyone before, maybe im going too fast as i said before, maybe You dont feel same or as strongly as i do well tuff cuz i cant take it back cuz i alerady feel that way so never doubt my love towards You and never ever doubt my respect towards You, im not scared of You i respect You which is a big difference and luv You with Yr past and all about You Sir. I know taht if You need to correct me You will but i also know that You still love me even when punish me, even whem mad at me even when im not as good as You deserve..
1.31 now was long post but has some deep insight quite mixed i must say but if have questions about it just ask me, im here for You always Master
Only Yours for eternity, angelfire
posted by ~*~angelfire~*~ at 4:21 AM
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