Been all day thinkin i should write today, in fact was gonna do it yesterday's nite after You went as i wasn't that tired by that time but couldn't risk ya know my parents could always get up n check on me ...
been happy all day even if missed You lots but i was happy i managed well You managed to get me on cam, i wouldn't have done if wasn't that You insisted and that made me really comfortable, You know it took me lots to only stand up, seems so silly now but i cant say thank You enough. If You would have stopped i would have gone bed and cried myself to sleep just because couldn't do what You requested me, that was what worried me big time too almost as much as the body thing did but knowing id told You no and go bed and then not seeing You its devastating i mean, for example the other day when told You no about standing up, i couldn't get it out of my head notonly cause it's hard to say no to You but also because im so not supposed to tell You no, to say no at all and even if i say not to You sometimes that doesn't make it any easier hmm its hardest to say no than yes actually , i know You know this but it was best thing to do what You did yesterday, pushing it a little harder cause deep inside me i wanted to do it, for You and there was this message i didn't send that said that You deserved to get everything You want or desire but that i couldn't do it so im trying to tell You im glad You kept going and didn't step back cause would have been big mistake
I've said this 1000s of times but You're so important to me, so special and i only want the best for You just need some help doing that sometimes but also know You are there to do that
big mistake i just made lol i should never stop writing or ill forget what i was going to say =P well it'll come to my mind later oh but just remembered another thing, it's little embarrassing telling You about it but i promise i would tell You everything ok, when You sent the pix of You training i love them, really did then asked for the girl and knew was spring n i was wow she has amazing body and don't take it wrongly i love spring she's really really good to me and funny but above funny she's been more helpful than You think possible but i was like ok i cant even compare to her and just.. You know my mind started working (yeah for once i know lol) but just thought i cant compare to her not at all and said to myself i cant change my body but can make it little better so started taking better care of myself just so that You'd find it pleasing if we ever meet You know, I know im silly, You needn't tell me that but You're way to important to me and i cant afford losing You over silly stuff i cant afford losing You at all and the only thought of You not liking me was awful cause cant change that can only improve but not change it if You know what i mean

ok that's all for now, thanx again cause once again You did the right thing and as ive said yesterday's nite in one of the msgs im not sure how did i get You to love me so much or why You do it but im glad i did it. You made me feel beautiful and showed me than there's more than a body in a person and even if i already knew that i really got to understand it yesterday so thanx for loving me first for how i am and not for what i look like