Ive talked to Alan today. After a few weeks of not talking to him.. and missing him some. I thought itd be better... he was in a car accident.. hes grumpy and still hurt i think. On the plus side both him and the kid are fine which is a great plus.

I asked him if i could do anything and he said, nah youre not local (and some other stuff) and i was like.. no shit... i was a little hurt and felt like lashing out for a second. Then i felt bad cause it was him and he was hurt and probably his pride was hurt and ugh i dont know.

I thought itd be better... I feel like i have to tiptoe around him for my shit seems meaningless compared to his. Its probably just me being hormonal.. or me seeing him as a common human being with human being flaws which he hardly ever showed before.

I really missed him though.. now? Maybe i made it better in my head than it actually was.