Well LJ is down so it seems like i have no choice but to blog somewhere else (ill copy this to my lj if it ever comes back on). God im tired, ive had two people tell me earlier tonight how bad i looked.. I was like uhmm okay, i feel well.. really.. i do.. i mean if you brought me a bed right here and now id fall asleep but other than that im fine.. Its not like i could say.. hey you know what? even since i hit my head ive been dead tired and i know its getting worse just because last night i feel asleep with the bullet still on only to wake up this morning around 7 and find it where id left it with the batteries dead.. Now, this was not the first time i fell asleep with the bullet still on my clit but i had never EVER fallen asleep while 'playing'.. I mean, thats just plain wrong. I had to fight myself all day not to go and take a nap... im just sooooooo tired
< /whine>

I dont know if any of you ever felt what im about to say but i did and in more than one occasion.. I felt/feel that theres a really big similarity in the Master/submissive (slave/whatever) & parent/kid dynamics. I know it sounds wrong and believe me ive been freaked out by it more than once but i think its kinda true. If you remove the service part of a relationship then you'll understand what im talking about. Theres one person taking responsibility for another human being that is perfectly able (most of the times) to take care of him/herself but still chooses to relinquish all that to someone else... Then theres discipline, there are rules and consequences if you dont follow those rules.I know many will say that thats actually how life is run but its not quite the same thing. For example if im in the hospital and i fail at getting a proper diagnostic, ill probably get told off for being a moron (lol not really).. ill get told off for not having studied and because well.. im being irresponsible by doing it.. I might get 'punished' by being asked to leave the room and the case BUT thats it.. Now, if say a Dominant 'asked' his girl to study so that shed be prepared and she didnt then theres not just the being told off by a doctor but also being told off and more than probably punished, in a whole different way, by the Dom in question... Makes sense?
This Dominant is taking responsibility for that submissive as much as a parent takes it for his kid... and sometimes.. i just HATE THAT FEELING. I dont trust people completely, i dont rely on others for anything, not completely and i am not a kid, though apparently i act like one at times... I lose temper and i feel like crushing someones head and that very same thing happened yesterday. The thing is, im not a kid anymore though our dynamic, playing and service aside, resembles the parental dynamic i mentioned before. Lets face it, i wouldnt 'get put' in a corner for not knowing that some guy has 'book like heart failure' .. (and yes it did happen, only that i did know what the patient had and i told the diagnostic to a friend... then some stupid azz stole it from me, the dork!.. anyways)

Im sure that i could probably expand a bit more on this but i cant think of anything else right now... if theres a question ill be more than happy to answer to it =)

Night night

ps: oh and Master.. im sorry i used the s word... since i never (as far as i can remember) called you that i think you had an idea of how pissed off i was. I shall keep a bar of soap on my desk *giggles and scampers off to bed* Miss ya :-* even if we talked today lol