hectic life

I dont know how to start this time... This time the situation isnt all that familiar but its more like an evolution of events. Its been almost 9 months since Ken and i started talking. When we started my relationship had been over for a while and He was the one person id run to when things got out of my control in my now past relationship. It was only a week ago that i called Him Master for the first time, I was really happy then but then it struck me... I have nothing that he doesnt already have. Hes married, has kids, a grandson now, a life... experience.. and guess what? i dont have any of that and to be honest im sort of alright with my life but i dont think i have anything to offer to him.His life has gotten hectic the past few weeks and it doesnt seem to be getting any better any time soon, i swear im starting to think im bad luck or something because this has already happened before to me. On the other hand, i dont think his wife wants a poly relationship, i mean isnt it weird that we still havent met? i didnt tell this to any of my friends cause i know what they'd say... girl hes cheating.. and he might be... partially.. so thats why im drawing a line... after my august exams.. if things didnt get better by then im done.. no matter how much i enjoy talking to him or the time we spend together or the love i feel for him. I have to think of me and two months is a reasonable amount of time to let things go back to normal.. or at least to fit my definition of normal.
I need him to be around more often, i thought i was okay with it but im not, i dont pretend to have him in a room with me ilke i would have a couple of years ago but i need more time with him cause right now i feel like im the thing he does when he has some free time.. read hes not with his family, nor with the kids, nor at work, nor doing anything interesting.. like im some sort of hobby to put it someway and it doesnt do it for me.. and love isnt enough as i said a million and one times.. its nice to feel loved and cared for but is not enough.. and right now this isnt enough for me. I dont know if i can do poly, not if its gonna be like this, i dont wanna be the last option... its okay to share but when its balanced.. and dont get me wrong i know life gets complicated and rt comes first.. but... if we're ever gonna be rt .. you should pay a lil more attention to me cause right now.. you're losing me... and we're losing each other.. which only reminds me why i didnt want to get involved in the first place...