I'm back

Well im back!! What I saw as a horrid meltdown turned to be something really great, I took a break from online, i took a break from the world, I only cared about ME. You must be thinking how selfish I must be but let me tell you something, im everything but selfish, i can be posessive, i can be a bitch, but i cant be selfish.. or should i say i can but i choose not to or if i happen to act in a selfish way i feel awful aterwards? Ive forgotten what it was like to worry for noone else but me and after almost a month it hit me I need me.
I came into this lifestyle for both good and bad reasons, the good ones remain the same, the bad ones are leaving me now. See i had everything a kid could ask for and more, my parents loved me, we were in a comfortable economical situation, i got a great education, i had many great friends, met many people and many places all over the world and i live in a country that has everything everyone could ask for (we just dont know how to make profit out of that lol not to mention our gov is one of the most corrupted ones lol), but in spite of all this, one day it all changed. I cant tell when it happened but i lost it that day, didnt feel the love anymore, i changed, my parents changed, my environment changed, i lost me in the way.. I couldnt find the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.. i was in a relationship when that happened with someone way older than i was, a great guy actually who loved me beyond words and i loved him too but he was just too old for me and he couldnt help me.. i didnt let him, instead i started searching for people with my interests, came across a guy who promised me the world, the moon and the sun and everything in between and he gave it to me.. in his own terms.. and one day he was gone and i was lost again.. i think this time is worth saying that i was totally dependent on him, not the healthiest relationship but at the time it serves us both well... he needed someone to boost his self estime and i needed someone to take care of me.. key words there NEEDED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME... when I should have been the one doing that and at the worst scenario.. getting someone to help me do that but NOT have someone do it for me.. noone can help me unless i want it.. i cant make people force me to do things i dont want to because i wont do them.. its as simple as that..

**EDIT: its been a day since i wrote this.. i still feel the same way except that im pmsin' lol so i decided im gonna wait til my energy is back to continue writing about all this good stuff ive been feeling and all the stuff i gained perception of to put it somehow.. Til then..