Day 16 & 17 -- woohooo
i did 210 crunches!!!!!!!!!! lol im so happy over that silly thing.. maybe im starting to apply myself *chuckles* Now i just need to stop eating and sleeping and be a lil more selfish and ill be fine.. yes you read well a bit more selfish wont harm me. Im not sure i can do it since it really isnt within me but i should come first when it comes to many things and i always put others first, sometimes i mean to do it and some other times it just comes out and really im mostly proud to be this way but if taken to an extreme maybe its not such a good thing so that leaves something to work.
On a different note I feel i should write about something so i dont forget it, i already forgave but i dont have to forget.. it turns out ive been getting pretty good grades in my phisiology class, i think the best ones in my class (just noticed that lol maybe thats a sign of how much i value myself lol) and i didnt quite study for those two exams, well i aint gonna lie i did study some for the last one because i really enjoyed it, it was about cardiology and blood.. and well thats what i want to specialise in when i graduate, surgery and then cardiac surgery but anyway, getting back to the subject, this 'friend' of mine (my group of friends, close friends include 5 guys and 3 women, we are all between 19-23 except one of the girls who's 32 or so and shes evil lol i always knew that but thought i could change her.. more like give her a chance) wants to be a cardiologist, being the age that she is there are lots of things that she cant do anymore, read surgery and a few others. All year long she tried to 'conquer', and i do mean that, the doctor in charge of the physiology department, the guy is amazing, he can be really nice if he likes you, he is ever so patient with us and pretty smart.. well hes smart lol i actually want to be a bit like him when i become doctor,, dam i cant seem to be able to keep on one thought.. so as i was saying she tried all year long.. kissing his azz and all that, im pretty sure if she had had the chance of getting... lets say an alternative way of getting great grades, she would have taken it without thinking twice (ive said id do it in certain cases.. chuckles.. dont think i could though). This girl, J, is always on my back.. checking whether i studied or not or how much or telling me how smart i am and how much it takes for her to get a concept.. i tell her that it isnt like that and blah blah blah out of courtesy, its how i was raised.. it aint my fault if im a tad smart and with only reading it once im done.. but here comes MY mistake.. when someone asks me whether i study or not.. my friends of course.. i always tell the truth.. i say no.. BIG BIG BIG mistake,... you dont do that if you're smart lol so that proves how stupid i can be.. or naive.. When the professor read our grades i wasnt there, in fact when i got there grades had already been read (and no i wasnt late but i dont remember why my friends were thre earlier than me) and i got an 8 and my friends got from a 4 to a 6 and one didnt pass.. this girl got a 4.. she barely passed and im guessing she passed cuz of him but i dont wanna get too mean here.. Turns out some of the guys saw her trying to get hold of the professor to talk to him and ASK HIM for MY exam to compare it.. he declined of course since he isnt allowed and im sure i can get her in trouble for that and him if he had shown it to her and i found out.. but she didnt give up.. she went again one day alone to ask him for it AGAIN.. he refused AGAIN.. this was one day before one friend had to retake an exam with this prof.. friday came and my friend went to the exam.. and since it was oral they had some time to talk.. all of a sudden the doc bring my name up.. he said something like hey you should study with dr k which is me lol and then he sez.. curiously enough someone (he didnt give up any names) has been asking for her exam.. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! BUSTED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! this guy is soooo smart.. he knew my friend would tell me.. whats more.. they all already knew.. lol but me since when s told me i didnt pay him attention ( a habit i got lol) the prof told him so that hed tell me... the goober is so busted, she has no idea of this and no idea of the concept the guy has of her.. her image must be down the floor.. and honestly, she deserves it, ive done her no harm .. and here comes the good part.. the Doc likes me.. ina good way of course lol and i have great grades sooooooooooooo i shouldnt have a problem in march.. but she is gonna be in trouble if any of this comes out and shed better pass her final with at least at 6.. wouldnt want to face the guy right if i were her...
my mom told me i should be proud, that someone wanted to do that, i just felt sorry for her.. i just had the hardest time believing how someone could fall so low.. I dont need to show to anyone whether im smart or not,, i dont need to show it off.. i dont need to compete with anyone but myself.. if i had needed to i would have stayed at my last school.. theres a reason why i left and im the only one who knows it.. i wont let it happen again.. lol and if she wants to compete with me.. lol the goobie is gonna have a hard time because .. well.. lets just say she'll get the competition she wants but i wont see it as competition.. ill see it as personal development.. what comes around goes around and she'll get her turn.. for now im over it.. just feel sorry for her and im waiting for her to show em her true colors... those i already know about but those she never dared show to me.. direct to me.. We'll see how that goes.. im just happy that the doc knows who i am lol since i dont talk lots .. i like that someone recognises me for who i am.. i was never a fan of participating in class and all that for two things.. i go shy or too scared of saying th wrong thing and second i dont need to prove myself to anyone.. yes im arrogant so what?? noone knows it but me.. and well my Master if he reads it lol but im sure he knows it so :P i couldnt care less... only need to prove myself ot me and him.. more than enough said about it
Change of subject again... i need to stop eating, sleeping and drinking water.. dam you wouldnt know its like im dehydrated 24/7 as of late.. my mouth is always dry, i need to drink tons of water and i drink way less than id like to only because i dont go to the kitchen enough but omg i have no clue whats going i hope its just stress and that it goes away after im done with exams lol i cant keep drinking this much lol it aint healthy.. now sleeping i dont mind.. eating i do but oh well im fat and one day ill get as thin as i want but it certainly wont be any day soon (maybe in 2 weeks lol) im fat im fat im fat,, i miss some of my clothes but i refuse to get new ones lol i need to fit in those i have cause some of them are really cute, i got skirts and summer dresses and i like those..
Getting back to the selfish subject, **EDITED and now this paragraph wont make much sense but i needed to take out what ive written for it was wrong** its not like i would tell her all that goes thru my head just.. well actually i dont need her but its nice knowing you have someone to catch you if you fall... one of things we dont really need but if we dont have it we miss it and want it and lol i wanted that tonight,, so instead i watched harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban for the nth time and downloaded wallpapers for my cell.. harry potter.. i lvoe both the books and the movies.. and i feel like i still havent lost the child in me.. some very simple things still amaze me.. some others bring tears to my eyes.. i hope that never goes away for a part of me will die if that ever happens.. the child like curiousity or fascination.. watching a simple movie like this one and feel the bonds within the characters.. empathise.. feel the joy the fictional character felt when for example he thought his late father was protecting him.. simply childlike amazement,, theres no other word to describe and im really glad thats part of me (babygirl comes to mind but im too tired to elaborate on that.. maybe some other time)
What did i do today?
On a different note I feel i should write about something so i dont forget it, i already forgave but i dont have to forget.. it turns out ive been getting pretty good grades in my phisiology class, i think the best ones in my class (just noticed that lol maybe thats a sign of how much i value myself lol) and i didnt quite study for those two exams, well i aint gonna lie i did study some for the last one because i really enjoyed it, it was about cardiology and blood.. and well thats what i want to specialise in when i graduate, surgery and then cardiac surgery but anyway, getting back to the subject, this 'friend' of mine (my group of friends, close friends include 5 guys and 3 women, we are all between 19-23 except one of the girls who's 32 or so and shes evil lol i always knew that but thought i could change her.. more like give her a chance) wants to be a cardiologist, being the age that she is there are lots of things that she cant do anymore, read surgery and a few others. All year long she tried to 'conquer', and i do mean that, the doctor in charge of the physiology department, the guy is amazing, he can be really nice if he likes you, he is ever so patient with us and pretty smart.. well hes smart lol i actually want to be a bit like him when i become doctor,, dam i cant seem to be able to keep on one thought.. so as i was saying she tried all year long.. kissing his azz and all that, im pretty sure if she had had the chance of getting... lets say an alternative way of getting great grades, she would have taken it without thinking twice (ive said id do it in certain cases.. chuckles.. dont think i could though). This girl, J, is always on my back.. checking whether i studied or not or how much or telling me how smart i am and how much it takes for her to get a concept.. i tell her that it isnt like that and blah blah blah out of courtesy, its how i was raised.. it aint my fault if im a tad smart and with only reading it once im done.. but here comes MY mistake.. when someone asks me whether i study or not.. my friends of course.. i always tell the truth.. i say no.. BIG BIG BIG mistake,... you dont do that if you're smart lol so that proves how stupid i can be.. or naive.. When the professor read our grades i wasnt there, in fact when i got there grades had already been read (and no i wasnt late but i dont remember why my friends were thre earlier than me) and i got an 8 and my friends got from a 4 to a 6 and one didnt pass.. this girl got a 4.. she barely passed and im guessing she passed cuz of him but i dont wanna get too mean here.. Turns out some of the guys saw her trying to get hold of the professor to talk to him and ASK HIM for MY exam to compare it.. he declined of course since he isnt allowed and im sure i can get her in trouble for that and him if he had shown it to her and i found out.. but she didnt give up.. she went again one day alone to ask him for it AGAIN.. he refused AGAIN.. this was one day before one friend had to retake an exam with this prof.. friday came and my friend went to the exam.. and since it was oral they had some time to talk.. all of a sudden the doc bring my name up.. he said something like hey you should study with dr k which is me lol and then he sez.. curiously enough someone (he didnt give up any names) has been asking for her exam.. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! BUSTED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! this guy is soooo smart.. he knew my friend would tell me.. whats more.. they all already knew.. lol but me since when s told me i didnt pay him attention ( a habit i got lol) the prof told him so that hed tell me... the goober is so busted, she has no idea of this and no idea of the concept the guy has of her.. her image must be down the floor.. and honestly, she deserves it, ive done her no harm .. and here comes the good part.. the Doc likes me.. ina good way of course lol and i have great grades sooooooooooooo i shouldnt have a problem in march.. but she is gonna be in trouble if any of this comes out and shed better pass her final with at least at 6.. wouldnt want to face the guy right if i were her...
my mom told me i should be proud, that someone wanted to do that, i just felt sorry for her.. i just had the hardest time believing how someone could fall so low.. I dont need to show to anyone whether im smart or not,, i dont need to show it off.. i dont need to compete with anyone but myself.. if i had needed to i would have stayed at my last school.. theres a reason why i left and im the only one who knows it.. i wont let it happen again.. lol and if she wants to compete with me.. lol the goobie is gonna have a hard time because .. well.. lets just say she'll get the competition she wants but i wont see it as competition.. ill see it as personal development.. what comes around goes around and she'll get her turn.. for now im over it.. just feel sorry for her and im waiting for her to show em her true colors... those i already know about but those she never dared show to me.. direct to me.. We'll see how that goes.. im just happy that the doc knows who i am lol since i dont talk lots .. i like that someone recognises me for who i am.. i was never a fan of participating in class and all that for two things.. i go shy or too scared of saying th wrong thing and second i dont need to prove myself to anyone.. yes im arrogant so what?? noone knows it but me.. and well my Master if he reads it lol but im sure he knows it so :P i couldnt care less... only need to prove myself ot me and him.. more than enough said about it
Change of subject again... i need to stop eating, sleeping and drinking water.. dam you wouldnt know its like im dehydrated 24/7 as of late.. my mouth is always dry, i need to drink tons of water and i drink way less than id like to only because i dont go to the kitchen enough but omg i have no clue whats going i hope its just stress and that it goes away after im done with exams lol i cant keep drinking this much lol it aint healthy.. now sleeping i dont mind.. eating i do but oh well im fat and one day ill get as thin as i want but it certainly wont be any day soon (maybe in 2 weeks lol) im fat im fat im fat,, i miss some of my clothes but i refuse to get new ones lol i need to fit in those i have cause some of them are really cute, i got skirts and summer dresses and i like those..
Getting back to the selfish subject, **EDITED and now this paragraph wont make much sense but i needed to take out what ive written for it was wrong** its not like i would tell her all that goes thru my head just.. well actually i dont need her but its nice knowing you have someone to catch you if you fall... one of things we dont really need but if we dont have it we miss it and want it and lol i wanted that tonight,, so instead i watched harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban for the nth time and downloaded wallpapers for my cell.. harry potter.. i lvoe both the books and the movies.. and i feel like i still havent lost the child in me.. some very simple things still amaze me.. some others bring tears to my eyes.. i hope that never goes away for a part of me will die if that ever happens.. the child like curiousity or fascination.. watching a simple movie like this one and feel the bonds within the characters.. empathise.. feel the joy the fictional character felt when for example he thought his late father was protecting him.. simply childlike amazement,, theres no other word to describe and im really glad thats part of me (babygirl comes to mind but im too tired to elaborate on that.. maybe some other time)
What did i do today?
- 210 crunches so i made up for all those i missed
- studied some.. not enough but way more than ive studied the past few days
- ate as i havent eaten in ages and felt bad cuz of it but enjoyed it meanwhile (that my fat soul talking hahahahahahhaha)
- watched a movie, everwood and ER
- got myself loads of wallpapers and screensavers for my cell.. that reminds me that i shoudl teach Him how to text me .. chuckles.. what fun could we have withthat.. and the cell cam.. enough said or my mind will start wandering
Today (yes its past 12 here) its his bday.. wanted to talk to him.. send a card or something,,, somehow i felt it better if i didnt ask.. maybe its better to give it time no matter how i feel about it.. if it does him any better then im all for it.. lol talk about being selfish.. ahahha i could never do it and with good reason..
Til tomorrow.. going to bed after sending Master and e-card
Til tomorrow.. going to bed after sending Master and e-card
posted by ~*~angelfire~*~ at 6:47 AM
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