Feelings.. or lack thereof
Well its been a while since i last posted here... I have a 360 now and what i cant blog there i either talk it out or i just keep it inside my head
I could write for hours.. even days if i started talking about everything thats crossing my mind at this moment.. but im just gonna focus in one feeling.. more like lack thereof...
See... life's hectic for both of us right now.. different situations.. different problems.. both hectic nonetheless.. He's not able to be around as much.. or.. should i say.. at all... as of late... i could understand that.. its the lack of consistency that sort of bothers me.. if you're not sure youre gonna be around.. then please dont say it.. it creates false hopes.. and thats a rude thing to do..
Still thats not the feeling im focusing on.. the feeling i AM focusing is on is.. my not concern.. my not freaking out.. my not caring.. my not worrying.. my not nothing... Im a very emotional person (as if you couldnt tell by now) but i just dont feel... its like i built a shield or something where im not affected by it.. until i see you.. then i just resent you for not being around and then i hate me for it.. but you still kinda deserve and yes i might be kind of selfish but i dont take up things i cant do... lol.. see thats the mad part of me coming out.. interesting.. i just locked it back in again.. lol... This time im not scared.. im not sad... im just not anything at all.. which doesnt scare me.. freak me out or any of the like.. it just feels weird.. have i made myself not care?
Thats a scary thought.. or it should be... if i felt anything at all...
Well..it needed writing... for it feels awkward.. and awkward is not my thing..
I could write for hours.. even days if i started talking about everything thats crossing my mind at this moment.. but im just gonna focus in one feeling.. more like lack thereof...
See... life's hectic for both of us right now.. different situations.. different problems.. both hectic nonetheless.. He's not able to be around as much.. or.. should i say.. at all... as of late... i could understand that.. its the lack of consistency that sort of bothers me.. if you're not sure youre gonna be around.. then please dont say it.. it creates false hopes.. and thats a rude thing to do..
Still thats not the feeling im focusing on.. the feeling i AM focusing is on is.. my not concern.. my not freaking out.. my not caring.. my not worrying.. my not nothing... Im a very emotional person (as if you couldnt tell by now) but i just dont feel... its like i built a shield or something where im not affected by it.. until i see you.. then i just resent you for not being around and then i hate me for it.. but you still kinda deserve and yes i might be kind of selfish but i dont take up things i cant do... lol.. see thats the mad part of me coming out.. interesting.. i just locked it back in again.. lol... This time im not scared.. im not sad... im just not anything at all.. which doesnt scare me.. freak me out or any of the like.. it just feels weird.. have i made myself not care?
Thats a scary thought.. or it should be... if i felt anything at all...
Well..it needed writing... for it feels awkward.. and awkward is not my thing..
posted by ~*~angelfire~*~ at 1:22 AM
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