how can it all change so much

Sometimes she wonders how can everything change so much.. not just her but everything.. maybe she's actually changing.. maybe more than she realises.. or maybe she's actually starting to see what was hidden under mere appeareances.. she's not quiete sure bout thst.. only thing is sure of is nothing will be the way it once was.. that might actually be a good thing.. she's not sure about it.. and at same time she wishes she didnt care about it.. yet she does..

Its been quite a while since she last had chance to get all her thought in here.. she missed it.. but different circumstances kept her from doing so.. she has so much to write about.. she'll start by saying she's talking to One.. she doesnt wanna rush things this time.. even if deep inside her she knows she wants to.. but she's not making same mistake again.. she's been too hurt and does not wish that to happen ever again.. not to her nor to the person who stays by her side.. she wonders if she's mentioned some person with no life keeps booting her.. yeah wonders what she did to get that person mad.. shes thinking of two probable booters (ok her mind is way too complicated and she tends to think about ten thousand things @ the same time... ow she wonders.. if a certain Someone form her past didnt think much of her why would he keep telling her how gorgeous she was.. rolls eyes.. anyways...) both males.. thats all she's gonna say about it.. shes in no position to accuse Aanyone but if that certain one happens to read this.. cuz this is a public blog and this girl is awar eof that.. she asks You to please stop or talk to her cause if theres anything bothering You she doesnt know what it is and would like to fix it.. well this is certainly not a board to make announcements but she really needed to get that out of her chest.. cuz something as small as a booter when nothing's going right might just add to it.. and if you're not feeling right trust me.. last thing you want is someone bothering you..

k changing topic again.. she's doing better luckily.. some ppl were able to give her some really good advice.. she appreciates that more than she can say.. sometimes tis kindda hard to face the truth.. or reality but geez feels good to be able to tell whats in past and whats not and actually be able to move on.. with this she's not saying she's great every day just she's in great more often as time goes by.. yes she still get upset over silly stuff.. but she's mostly doing great.. she just needed a time to think what she wanted to do.. what she really wanted in fact.. she knew she didnt want another player as she had already met two.. she knew she wanted a real person on the other side of the screen to name it somehow... as she said before she's talking to One.. time will tell.. but she's happy she's managing to overcome ghosts from her past.. but still has to regain trust... she thougth she could trust again wasily as she used to.. and turns out she can but she's a bit scared.. she doesnt want same to happen again.. and even though she trust Him she doesnt know how to control that.. she knows He wouldnt lie but she thought same before... she wants to trust Him so badly.. especially since He hasnt showed her reason not to... she's trying but its having such a ahrd time doing so... she knows it her problem.. she really hopes its a matter of time.. thats reason why she doesnt wanna rush things.. if its supposed it will happen.. all We can do is help it happen.. well.. she already feels better.. she managed to get lots of things out... prolly not the way she would have wanted but thats not an issue... not now.. not today..