keep rolling

hmmmm sometimes tis hard for her to actually have a sit and take the time to write what she needs to get out.. she always thinks it'll just all go away..it never does... she always tries to bear in mind things can always get worse or better.. but lately it has all been worse.. and gettin even worse.. she sometimes loses the strnght to keep going.. and even if has lots of good friends who are there for her.. well.. sometimes is not enough... she misses the person who hurt her very deeply.. and she hates feeling that way as he's not worth it... somehow it all remind her of him.. a word a song... even the interaction between Others/others... grrrrr something going on and she's holding back lots of things .. thinks.. happy now? all 3 ppl in room were with ya ack... shhh she just not said that.... gets back to her thoughts...
Holidays finished yesterday.. so she got back to the routine this morning... same old routine.. in a way tis better as she gets to see friends and gets her mind out of here but getting back hoe is hard for her.. is still hard.. and due to sth which took place this last weekend.. she got all memories back.. she did something she shouldnt have done in first place and now regrets it... she wasnt ready... she kindda hurting again.. and as she was telling someone last nite.. she's not atht sure she can do it again.. she's not sure she can endure another "failure" to call it somehow.. she's too vulnerable and that vulnerability makes her an easy target for players.. and shes certainly not looking for another one of those...
she's hurting again... more than she likes... losing control of it.. she tries looking for help but at the same time hates exposing everything to them.. she knows they have their own issues so she doesnt wanna be a load for others.. and at same time would take forever to explain everything to all of them... and even if she does that... they not likely to understand lol not cause they dont want to just cause she cant explain very well and is complicated and twisted and ... sighs... she knows is not the end of the world... but it does feel like it... you know when you think nothing's gonna be good again.. and going back to rt and dealing with issues there .. trying ot hide how you feel... she thinks tahts the hardest thing to do....
well... first time this didnt help at all... sighs.. anyways... it'll get better sooner or later... she needs to keep going so can be ready when her One decides to show up.. giggles.. and now she laffs not to cry... ack.. well.. she'll go back to her chores and routine... and to see how ppl get real... and show their true self.. not always a good one... well anywayz...