Maybe it's me.. Maybe I just don't wanna submit and looking for excuses.. maybe He doesnt wanna be with me but doesnt know how to end it.. maybe.. maybe

I'm getting tired of trying with him.. i feel like it's not worth trying.. see one of the differences between him and me is that i keep my word most of the times.. he doesnt and worst part is i cant really say shit because he always has something as excuse.. be it work or whatever and then is when i feel guilty because he can actually say that whereas i cant for i dont work and im a spoiled only child who doesnt have to work.. so well..

I keep trying for only one reason.. I love Him and He's my first RT and everything and I feel comfortable with him when he's the one I fell for.. Unfortunately that's not the person i often see

I don't know for how long I can keep trying without wondering if that's what He wants.. or if He is what He claims to be.. Im sure He's what He says but it's so hard to put all that in the same picture.. maybe He's used to experienced subs and Im not or maybe Im not used to this kind of 'Mastering' who knows?